我冒着寒冷，养育甜蜜的小金。除了Goldie外，我们都陷入了寒冷，谢天谢地。所有人都可以，用两个孩子调整生命。我在这里写下这一天的戈德几乎在2019年8月25日几个月前进入了世界。我觉得记录这是迫切的，因为分娩很快成为一个模糊的记忆。思考回到四个星期天之前......
Goldie was late. Her due date was August 16th, and my doctor and I decided to schedule an appointment to be induced exactly two weeks after her due date if she didn’t come on her own. I felt a little bummed about this, but knew it was the right thing to do. I actually felt like her not coming was my fault, as we were in the middle of moving (we bought out first house!) and I had a lot of work to do with my business. I didn’t want her to come yet until we were all moved out of our rental home, cleaned it, and moved all our stuff into the new house. Maybe subconsciously I was saying, ‘we’re not ready for you yet.’
After hearing induction was the next step and we had somewhat finished moving (our stuff was still mostly in boxes), I started focusing on her and her arrival. Saturday night, the night before she was born, I talked to her. I said, ‘We’re ready for you. We want you here. Please come, we are so excited to meet you.’ All night long I dreamt of going into labor on my own.
Sunday morning I’d planned for my friend Nicole to come over so I could shoot her in my newest clothing. Shortly before she got to our house, around 10 AM, I started having really mellow contractions! (Interestingly, I went into labor around the same time of day and the same day of the week with Shep.) I didn’t get too excited, because I heard labor can stop and start, and it could even be false labor. When I went to the bathroom and had bloody show (grossest term ever!) I knew things were happening. I pictured myself being scared when contractions began, because, well, labor is kinda scary. It’s intense and unknown, even though I’ve birthed a baby before. But because I knew of a looming induction appointment, going into labor on my own was very welcome and positive! It set the tone for my entire experience that day. It was a labor that began with gratitude.
帕特里克·妮可的衣服,而我的直接ed’ the low key shoot. Nicole was THE BEST advocate to have around during the early stages of labor. She birthed her son Alex at home without any pain relief, and kept telling me ow strong I was, and how amazing I was doing. She was like my pre-birth doula! We wrapped up the shoot, Nicole left us some delicious food for after delivery, and I hugged my sister friend goodbye.
Goldie必须真的善于了解她的时机，因为尼科尔离开了收缩开始加剧并在一起越来越近。我定时了他们，分开了大约2-3分钟，持续了45秒。另一个美丽的神圣时机的例子是我的妈妈在那天拍摄时在我们拍摄时观看SHEP！所以她已经在那里帮助我们并与我们一起去医院。我们都进了车，开车15分钟路到夏洛特洪匈福德医院。
When we got to the hospital there was like no one there (it’s a very small town hospital). The front desk was empty so we went right up the elevator to the maternity ward, floor three. Upon arriving at the desk I leaned on the counter with both arms and said, ‘I’m here to have my baby.’ The nurses were so nice and got me set up in a beautiful large room overlooking the hills. It felt comfortable, relaxed, but ugh I still felt nervous about what I had to do there. My Mom brought some new toys for Shep and he was pretty content to play with her and eat pretzels from a vending machine. I felt good knowing Shep was cared for and happy as could be.
所有的做法我去医生不是随叫随到，所以我听到巴克斯特博士在她的途中有点不高兴。她是谁？！当所有护士都说我是多么幸运的时候，我要幸运的是，我是贝尔特博士的交付，她是最好的。好的......我想，我们会看到。While we waited for her the nurses got me as comfortable as possible in the bed, set up a port in case I needed anything during delivery, asked me 100 questions between contractions because I wasn’t in their system yet, and monitored Goldie’s heart beat. I will always remember the sound of my babies’ heartbeats during delivery. The pumping, energetic whoosh whooshing sound is like the most beautiful music to my ears, but also the sound of pending massive change ahead. So reassuring, but also so intimidating.
Dr. Baxter came right in while still wearing her everyday clothes, making her feel more like a human being and not some doctor I’ve never met. Her presence was both nurturing and authoritative, I trusted her immediately. She touched my arm when she talked to me, and I literally felt in good hands.At this point I had bulging membranes and was 8 cm dilated, only about three hours after my labor began. Fast!
我有一些选项,但是戈尔迪已经好了her way. I could try for an epidural, but there was no guarantee I would get it in time. I also felt like I wasn’t in such a state that I needed one. With Shep I labored for 30 hours and my contractions were so so close together that I knew I’d be up all night and exhausted if I didn’t get pain relief. The contractions hurt like hell, but I’d only been at it for a few hours and it was daytime. I also wanted to know what labor really felt like because with Shep I feel like I got to cheat! Not in a bad way and I have no regrets, but my ideal birth this time around was unmedicated and hopefully faster than my first! With some doubts and fear I said ‘No, I don’t need an epidural.’
The next option Dr. Baxter gave me was to break my water. The membranes were already bulging, I was 8 cm dilated. Breaking the water would speed things along, or else I could stay where I was for hours. The contractions were getting pretty painful, and with my labor with Shep I would’ve had him probably a day earlier if we had broken my water sooner (we broke it at like hour 24). So this one I said yes to.
Dr. Baxter said she was going to her changed into scrubs and be right back to break my water. Shep, my Mom, and Patrick all hung out as I went through a few more contractions. Dr. Baxter came back shortly and broke my water. She said she’d come again when I felt ready to push. Next contraction was INSANE. Trembling to your core, earth shattering pain. I was ready to push immediately. I called the nurses in, they called in the Dr., and on the next contraction we started pushing. The nurses held my legs up in a squatting position that drove me nuts, but felt most efficient.
I forgot how to push. We did around three sets of pushes per contraction, 10 seconds each. It’s the weirdest feeling, inhaling and holding your breath, and then pushing before you exhale. Dr Baxter said, imagine you’re underwater about to take the biggest poop of your life. Nooooo haha!!! How awful! By the next contraction I started to remember how it went and my pushes became more effective. I thought contractions hurt, but oh my God, the pushing is infinitely infinitely more intense. By the third contraction of pushing I just wanted this done. I knew if I pushed harder it’d be over faster. I could barely think of Goldie, I just wanted the pain to end. The fourth contraction we were moving her head out, and fuck, this was SEARING pain. Throbbing, legs shaking, toes trembling. I was on fire, I felt like a cartoon character about to blow my red head off with smoke coming out my ears.
AND THEN they told me to slow it down. Just when I was ready to blast Goldie out of me like a cannonball, they said I needed to hold the volcano in my groin so I didn’t tear my vagina in half. I had to sit with the fire while they stretched my vagina with their hands and pushed the rest of her out of me slowly. Patrick said he had no idea you could pull on a vagina like that, ha it was amazing. It was worth it, I didn’t need any stitches. But I did poop, and Goldie did too. Pat was happy, and disgusted.
Shep and my mom had left the room when we started the active labor, and they came back in minutes after Goldie was born. There was no drama with getting Shep out, and because the labor was so short, Shep had fun running around the hallways with my mom. He didn’t even have time to miss me or ask to come back in. It was perfect. Goldie again, nailing the timing. From start to finish labor was only around 5 hours. My girl waited to come until the time was right, and also gave me my ideal birth, fast and powerful. I am already so grateful for her. She seemed to know just what we needed.
万寿菊戈尔迪的安妮·阿勒斯在这里!出生在3:12PM, 7 lbs 5 oz, 20” long. In perfect health, except for some wrinkly hands from being in the womb for 41 weeks. She was so much bigger and redder than I remembered Shep being. Oh yeah, she also had her cord around her neck and they cut it while she was on her way out of me because it was choking her with my pushes. Cord knots and cords around necks have always worried me, so it was crazy to have it happen, and have the nurses so nonchalantly cut it and continue on. It took Goldie a few seconds to start crying when they placed her on my chest. When the cries started I felt so so relieved, unlike with Shep I wanted him to stop crying. As a second time parent I felt the crying to be reassuring and normal. Goldie and I cuddled and practiced nursing for about a half hour. I looked out the windows on the hills and saw eagles flying until the sun went down.
在高迪的脸看起来像一个老灵魂, as cliche as that sounds. She just looked like she’d been here before. At one point Pat was rocking her in a rocking chair and her face just cracked me up, she looked... bored! So funny. That night and the next day were so special. I really appreciated just getting to lay in bed, breastfeed, and eat :) Patrick had to entertain Shep with only a few toys and an iPad, so he was eager to go home.
我们在24小时内离开了医院，让我失望。但是我们作为一个四口之家，我们的宝贵的小金。我已经爱上了她的幽默感，她的胖乎乎的身体，她的拥抱，当然我喜欢她爱我的多！我每天都在我旁边让她在我身边，而且没有比这更好的感觉。把她抱在怀里我觉得完整。我的家人都在这里。我们非常幸运的是爱，这个小家庭！谢谢Goldie成为你，并选择我们永远爱你和关心你。
